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Monday, May 23, 2005

Unlike Anakin...

WARNING: Spoilers and Chest-Humping Rants ahead...

Saw Star Wars III: Return of the Sith last night. I like Star Wars but I aien't exactly a fan. Nevertheless, I have been through all 6 episodes of the chronicle. I think I wouldn't be wrong when I say that most fans' favourite character is Darth Vader. He is the baddie of the show, albeit a very charismatic baddie. Its because of him, The Chosen One, that everything ends up in their place in the story.

I think the most defining moment of his life, is his turning over to the Dark side. Despite all of his potential and power, he is still, a young, frightened boy at heart who is extremely scare of loneliness. How the Chancellor manage to realise and capitalise on this while the entire Jedi Council let him get on it, is beyond my understanding. Anyway, this loneliness happens to be his greatest weakness. Having lost his beloved mother earlier on, he couldn't bear to lose his only love, Padme. As such, he gave up everything, twisted his faith and swear allegience to the Sith Lord, for that chance to save her. However, as events progress, he find himself in a situation of uncertainly. Being able to possess the power to prevent her from dying aien't enough for him, he harbours thoughts of overthrowing the Chancellor and be the Ruler of the Empire, so as to reassure himself of his powers to control destiny and protect Padme.

I think that I am Anakin. I am very scared. So very afraid of this world. I'm afraid of being lonely, yes. And for that, I'm afraid of failure. In my world, the world doesn't have much room for losers. Losers and loneliness are synonmous.

At times, most anyway, I'm frustrated that I am unable to control my destiny and my path at my finger tips. While at the same time, probably due to my great ego, I know that I'm better than most of the people out there(intellectually at least) and I desire success and recognition. This explains why I'm ambitious, like Anakin, I need to keep wanting more, the Sky and the Empire. For each itch that I scrap, fortifies my belief that I'm a Godly and sets back the notion that I probably aien't that great.

All my life, I never took the easy way out. People tell me that Triple Science was the toughest stream when I was in Secondary School. I took Triple Science. People tell me that I should not be taking 4 'A'-level Combination with Triple Science in JC. I took 4 'A' with Triple Science in JC. People tell me that the xxx discipline was the toughest to study in my Engineering stream and at that time, supposely, the "Best" go to xxx discipline. I had to go into xxx discipline. I went in. For you fuckers out there who had been telling me what I can or cannot do, SCREW YOU! I can do what all of you cannot. Been there, done that, so shut the fuck up.

To be honest, my academic performance aien't fantastic at all. I should have know that my true interest and potential don't lie within the academic routes which I had chosen. I could have taken the "so-called" easier subjects and combinations, score all the 'A's, which is what this 'A'-grade-obssessed educational system looks for, rather than hope for that "Oh,he's got a whiny A while you have a B in a much, much tougher subject" understanding.

I know what has being dragging me down all these years. Its my ego. Unable to give up what I have difficulty accomplishing and keeps hanging on to that will to better myself in an underdog position. From now onwards, the logical way out, is to plunge myself into areas where results come easier for me. But I think its all too late now. Ego so forbid that I chose the cowardly path that I had been opposing all my life.

I will not bow to the Dark Side. Thats for whimsies like Anakin. I stay to my Jedi path and I walk my rough ride. I may not get an 'A' trying, but its better than those faggots who never had a 'B' in a course which they had no guts to take on in the first place.


At 1:55 AM, Blogger Ah 9 said...

i was once a good kid...juz like young anakin (juz as cute)...

now i take the path down the dark side...for i do not want to be a wuss like Luke skywalker....i hate being taken advantage/granted/etc...

more power....muahahahahaha

*Imperial March theme song playing*

At 11:26 AM, Blogger nahele said...

i so totally understand the feeling of the fear of loss and loneliness... been through all those shit that im just as scared as you are...

but still, i admire you for trying out things when people said that you would not be able to make it and all... for that, i truly admire =)

so yup, do what you have to do, that's the best for yourself... and as much as there would be people to bring you down, there are others like your friends who will still be there to support you

so, with what you are doing, with your ego, continue what you are doing... that's what i like... but then, who cares about what i like right? =) as long as you like it

At 8:54 AM, Blogger Ruok said...

Do or do not, there is no try.

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Barffie said...

Good point on your last paragraph. At least you achieved a B in a very tough subject. The others are too afraid to even TRY. They'll take the safe way out, kiasee Singaporeans. It's like wanting to have a branded bag, couldn't afford it, so get a "cheong" one. WEAK.

At 2:46 PM, Blogger Tigerkiller said...

From the Bar:

And how am I to face the Odds
Of Men's bedevilment & God's?
I, a stranger & afraid
in a World I never Made.


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