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Saturday, July 09, 2005

Cowardice & Scars...

Had the luxury of waking up late this morning. As per my daily post-sleep routine, I went into the blogosphere for a quickie and before I knew it, I was at my own blog.

I was running through some of my older entries. They put a smile on my face.



Title: TIGHT
"Your muscles are tensed... your chest is its frozen in ice... you have difficulty breathing... a knife has just pierced through your heart."

There is no one else to blame when it all resulted from your wrong-doing.

Sometimes I wish that there is an explaination to cover myself. But deep down inside, I know that I am just one dysfunctional trash.

I'll give it all to live again.

The above is what I had posted and what I had taken down days ago. The reason for taking it down? Cowardice. I knew friends can guessed what I had done based on this posting and I was too ashamed to let them know.


Anyway, I did something wrong. Something which, if a third party had done, I would judge and condemn him for eternity. Now, that someone is me. Its still hard to accept what I had done. I can't even come to terms with it myself. That person will always be part of me, and I will never ever try to pretend otherwise ever again. I will remember this scar forever.

And I wish that I am the only one who is scarred. That is not the case.

I hate myself.


At 2:21 PM, Blogger Meowie said...

curious, what exactly have you done? but it's good to know your own faults and re-examine yourself. I do that all the time.


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