If You're Gone...

This is going to be one post that may(or not) make sense to me. Hence, it's definitely not going to make any sense to anyone else. If you choose to read on and get confused, just let it past.

I recall there's a part in Friends where Rachel ranted about how everyone has baggages. Who doesn't have baggages? Just moments ago, I realise how big a baggage I had been lugging along for the longest time. A light sack, which over time, took its toll on my shoulders. My shoulders have however, grew numb from it all.

Its amazing how you can do everything right and yet all goes down the drain in split seconds, over events which you, yourself can never comprehend. Sometimes you want to put things right, yet other times, you prefer to aggrevate matters.

Why so?

The need for control. First, you try to correct matters by compensating, failing which, you take the next course and try to sink the boat. Simply because, should it sink, at least YOU are the one driving it down. YOU are the one who CHOSE to sink it.

For the longest time, I have been trying to sink the boat. Looking back, there were some regrets. I may have hurt feelings along the way, but hopefully they were merely mild stings.

One goal in mind. A lot of things I have done for it. And the people I have gotten acquainted with, just to achieve it. Just when I thought I had enough and gave up, I stumbled upon something that hinted to me, just how possibly close I was.

Feelings tell me that I still want to sink this boat, but I am weary. I have to move on. And this time, its easy for me to make up my mind when I realise, there is only one clown in this comedy.

Cry for this clown some time, will ya?


If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
~ If You're Gone, Matchbox 20