Hunger...

I have no idea what has been going on in my head, but I have been making very unforgivable mistakes, both during and outside of work.

They include:

1) Making blatant(unforgivable) grammatical errors in almost all the blog comments which I had been posting.

2) Getting figures(the numerical kind) wrong.

3) Mixing up clients and their respective projects.

Now, Pt 1) is fine with me, after all, the worst that people can think of me, is that my England can barely make it. Not that mine is any good in the first place.

But Pt 2) and 3) are severe. They are potentially extremely hazardous to my career and at this point in my life, I cannot be making such mistakes.

Not in this job and definitely even more for whatever I am going for next.

I have to start pushing myself to be a perfectionist.

Talk about "perfectionist". Just a quick one since I do not have much time tonight. Actually, I do not much time every other night lately. Time has been spent fulfilling-ly though.

Recently, I met this other guy on a project. Two years younger than me and a government scholar. Maybe you can call it fate and perhaps I felt like a brotherly figure to him, but we kinda hit it off and are on good terms.

Put it simply, in him, I have realised what I have been lacking all along, that has been constantly plaguing me so far. And that is the "perfectionist" attitude, or rather the drive for perfection.

Unlike me, he is always looking to pass the harshest of critique upon his own work. Unlike me, he never holds back punches, until he has really push himself to the max. Despite having covered all the necessary details on our project, he would slave on until his eyes or his concentration totally wear.

Being someone who has always believe himself to be smart, I have always been plagued by under-achievements. And right there, staring back at me, is the realisation of what I have not been doing right. Its my attitude towards success that requires some over-hauling.

To succeed, the greatest of hunger is not going to get you anywhere unless you are backing it up with actions. And actions alone mean nothing, if they are not going to guarantee results in your favour. And how are you going to ensure that those results are going to be 100% positive? Well, you can't. BUT, you just gotta squeeze for that marginal single percent of positivity that you can work for and leave the rest to God.

How do you squeeze every single %? Well, thats where you let your hunger flair.





P.S~ Hungry. Should I finish the "Missy Donuts" on the dining table or cook instant noodles?

Show us the money...

In yesterday's papers, there was another article on the decline of takers for engineering scholarships, with people preferring more glamourous and rewardings careers in business and finance.

Not anything new that we do not know and I was sniggering as I read it.

To this, I only have one simple thing to say.

Fuck you. Show us the money.

The Black Parade...

Not the latest song around. Once in awhile, there comes a song that makes you want to shout out loud, bang your head and smash your guitar(or buy 1 to smash).

Let it all out.

A Byul(Star) is born...

I have not been updating this blog for more than a month.

I thought it will be nice to slot in something. If you notice, there is a Widget on the top-left corner of this blog. It will play "Byul" for your listening pleasure.

There are 2 reasons for it being there:

1) This song is very beautiful. Just like Kim Ah-Joong, who had starred in the movie "200 pounds beauty".

2) I do not know how to align it with the blog layout since the code for this widget is a cut-n-paste. Thus, it probably looks out-of-place. Then again, on hindsight, I think I will leave it in its supposely awkward position as this song does warrant a right to stand out from this blog, rather than fitting in as a part of it.

For those who had seen this movie, you would probably understand and feel for this song. For those who don't and do not have a heart cum tear-duct of stone, I could recommend. You can get this DVD from some leading neighbourhood DVD stores(Read TS).

If there is a message behind this movie, its just that the society we live in, is too conscious of image and looks. It does pay to take a step back and reflect on whether your treatment to others has been too biased for superficial reasons.

On the other hand, we do understand that it is only human nature to admire what is beautiful and I believe everyone has a right to pursue beauty. For those peaching on right-or-wrong on plastic surgery, who are they to tell others that they should stay ugly if that is the hand they were dealt, when there is clearly an alternative out of it.

Being beautiful does not guarantee happiness, but I guess it does contribute to some extent to your feeling abit better each day.

After all, isn't Life all about pursuing what you deem as perfect for yourself?

You don't deserve less. Remember that.

Signing off.

Invalid Denial to Re-entry at St.James Powerstation...

Something unpleasant happened at St. James Powerstation in the wee hours of this morning which left a sour taste in our mouths.

To cut the long story short, we had spent the earlier part of the night drinking at the Gallery Bar, following which we adjourned to Tiger Live Room. It was 1:00a.m. when we were at Tiger's re-entry queue where we were denied re-entry.

And the reason for the denial? Two of my friends were wearing T-shirts.

Visible stunned by this excuse for a second, it was not tough to voice our protest on the spot. There were people in T-shirts all over Tiger Live Room. I pointed to a guy in the main queue(not my re-entry queue) and asked the female staff(whose name was given as Zila),"We can't go in because we are wearing non-collared T-shirts. So are you saying that he cannot go in too, since he is wearing a non-collared T-shirt."

To which she answered,"We will allow him in if the management allows."

My friend pointed to someone inside the club and said,"He is wearing a non-collared T-shirt, why can he get inside and we can't."

To which she answered,"His T-shirt is different from yours."

That ended after she asked for our IC and she claimed that she will asked the Management whether she can let us in.

What crab?!

What can our IC tell her, that will over-ride "her house-rule" of "no non-collared T-shirts allowed entry", other than the fact that we are of legal age to drink? If you ask me for my credit card just so you can check on my credit limit, it might still have made slight sense.

That totally spoiled the night. All my years(make that a decade) since I started clubbing, I had never come across a denial to re-entry that was so hard to swallow. It was made worst by the fact that it took place at a club which we had been frequenting, chalking up spendings in the hundreds each week.

It was acceptable to be told of a Full-House and we had to be turned away. That would have left us with no grounds for argument. In this case, the excuses dished out was simply not acceptable as there was no consistency across the board. To put it directly, we were discriminated blatantly.

We have lodged a complaint and will see to it that St.James' Management gives us an answer. Failing which, we will not hesitate to bring this matter up on public forums.

Snow Patrol - Signal Fire

This song is beautiful. Snow Patrol rulez. I love the lyrics.

'The perfect words never crossed my mind
'cause there was nothing in there but you'

Passion...

Last night, I was on my way home and I drove past this huge scale funeral held at a house along Mountbatten Road. Now, that... was a funeral of the largest scale I have ever set my eyes on. Usually, whenever I pass a funeral, I will avoid looking at it as a practice since young. This time, I couldn't resist turning my head a few times to check it out. I was thinking this guy who had died, must be somebody(influential and very rich).

This morning, I saw him on the Obituary. Presumably its him since the wake was at Mountbatten and his took up 2 pages of the Obi. I paused for awhile just to think about this guy's life. What could he have possibly done to have "made it in life" and would he have it any other way? Towards the last few days, could he have wished that his life had gotten the recognition that it should have received? Maybe say, made into a movie? Now, I would like MINE to be made into a movie. Anyway, I sum up the questions into "How would your life be worth living?"

I know God loves me. He does answer me, out of the blue and with efficiency.

I just came across this photoblog entry. And it seems to fit.

"What is your passion?" is the next clue to the former query.

Dialect Groups...

If there is one thing that I don't feel for or comprehend as a Singaporean, is peoples' need to know about your dialect group, outside of curiosity.

Hokkien, Teochew, Hakka, Cantonese... they make no forking difference to me. How many proud Hokkiens around have actually been to Fu Jian or Teochew to Chao Zhou? If anything, it only reminds of how the Chinese use to wage civil wars and how much more advance they could have been if they were not so preoccupied in vying for the Indian Chief post, neglecting to unite against external threats until situations were foregone. This to me, is not a very proud thing to admit as a Chinese.

We look the same, live in the same estates, use the same currency and eat the same things anyway.

Of course, there is always one reason why I appreciate the diversity of Chinese dialects . Its the distinctive cuisines that come from all these different dialect groups that I come to sample as the privilege of a born-and-breed Singaporean.

Now, Teochew porridge, Hokkien fried mee, Hakka Yong Tau Foo and Cantonese Dim Sum.... I heart Chinese.

Civil Engineering Sucks...

The frequency to which I am updating my entries to this blog is probably a testament to how much longer it will be sustained, after all, actions(or rather the lack of) speak louder than words. Just thought I'll sneak in this entry and clear abit of cobwebs.

For the past few years, I have been living in disgruntle from some wrong decisions which I have made. Mainly the Civil Engineering Degree which I have taken. To start with, all the promised talks about having value-add that an engineer can give to the society and whatever pitch talks of "The best goes to civil", turn out to be blatant lies from my first pay cheque as a civil engineer to the turn of tide of the popularity of my discipline.

While my peers in Finance industry can probably predict a 5 figure salary in 2,3 years time, I see experienced "PROFESSIONAL" engineers struggling to hit 7,8k. You can't blame society for that. People in finance, bring in the money directly. Engineers do not bring in the money for you. Engineering is all about safety, which equates cost, hints liability. People don't pay you for saving their lives when they aien't dead yet but you don't mind giving you a slice of the pie if you can make them richer directly.

And one more thing which I feel I should do for society and namely, kiddos still in school. Spread the word, engineering sucks as a career. Please, unless you are some academic geek who wouldn't mind having your fortune capped by some research fund, I advise you to ply your trade elsewhere.

All I know for myself, is that I always have a hunger to succeed, although I have been pretty lost for the past few years. And I intend to do something about it. How I will go about doing it, I don't intend to disclose at this point in time. I may not be guaranteed success, but it sure beat rotting under the piece of toilet paper has "Bachelor in Civil & Strutural Engineering" on it.

Pui!

P.S. On hindsight, the tone above seems pretty strong. But rest assure, I am typing this entry without much of an expression on my face. Its simply something on my mind that has been around when I graduated 4 years ago. Just thought, now that I'm planning a move into another stage of my life, I'll just throw this out once and for all, never to look back again.

Its a small world afterall...

I was reading through an earlier posting and saw this particular quote.

"Guess I'll just lap up the bliss while it lasts, nothing is forever anyway, except for diamond, which is utterly useless(except for proposals) by the way."

Sometimes, you should never say never, least you are prepared to eat your words here and then. Don't worry, I'm not getting married. lol.

Anyhow, lately, the emphasis on my most new life realisation, is how small Singapore really is. Apart from the fact that Angel's best friend and her hubby is a close friend of a reservist buddy of mine. And that my insurance agent turns out to be in the same reservist unit as me. I have an interesting and awkward story to share.

On the 14th of February, the wrath of Venus potentially awaits those males, whose other half turns green, on the realisation that they are on the other opposite side of those ladies with roses.
It happened last week, in the build-up to V-day, when every hot-blooded male is looking for the best rose bargain in town.

A friend threw me an offer I couldn't resist,"Call Wendy @ 9888-8888. Say you are Adrian's friend. 1 bouquet for $55, including delivery." Too good to be true, and too cheap to resist. I had to call no matter what.

So I dialed. No one picked up. Seconds later, my call was returned.

I took initiative in the teleconversation,"Hi. You must be Wendy."

She,"I'm not Wendy. I'm Nancy."

Moi,"Ok, Nancy. I heard you are doing roses?"

She,"Huh? TP, how you know I'm doing roses?! I'm Nancy leh..!"

It took me 5 seconds to register, that I KNOW this Nancy. Apparently, I was using a new phone, hence her number did not appear in the Caller ID when I dialed her number.

Now, this is not too bad still, until the awkwardness of the situation sinked in.

For you see, Nancy is the best-friend of the girl whom I turned down not too long ago due to "emotions unavailability". And yet, a month or two later, here I was, sending flowers and kisses to another girl through Nancy.

Now, I can only pray that when the flowers show up tomorrow, at least the Roses look like Roses and the leaves are green.

A trip on the beach...

Last Saturday, I picked Angel up and we did not know where else to venture to. Thus, we made our way to the new Cafe Del Mar, Sentosa. Even the occasional light showers were merely threats to what would be a great evening, breezy and all.

So there we were. Parked by the Beach Station and wola! There was a cute shuttle bus ferrying cool people to Cafe Del Mar(CDM). CDM was really nice, open with lotsa space though it felt a tad barren probably because Saturday just aien't a clubbin' night.

From the indoor section, we ventured to the outdoor where there were beach chairs and beds all over, though none unoccupied. In our orientation round the Beach de la cafe, a familiar voice called my name. I turned around to see a friend, fellow blogger to be exact. Much as I was happy to see my friend, a fear within me stirred. It did not take long for my worst to be realised.

I introduced both parties.

My friend, in her opening line,"Hi, Angel...... do you blog?"

At that moment, time stood still. There were a lot of energetic caucasian males frolicking around that corner and I was standing there, hoping for one of them to run by, accidentally slip and knock me out in the process.

A second later. Not a single male came to my rescue.

I tried to ease off the situation by pretending I did not hear anything. We carried on the casual meetup conversation and bid our farewell.

Any gal with an average intellect can deduce what my friend's question had implied.

Angel,"So you blog. You did not tell me."

"Why did she ask that? She must have assumed you met me through blogging. Do you meet alot of girls from blogging?"

Hell yeah.

I had the whole night to explain why I did not want her to know about this blog. For one thing, this blog isn't 100% me. To be honest, some parts of this blog aien't even me. This is a sketchpad for whatever little creativity I possess and a field for some emotions to run wild, overboard. With some of these thoughts and some embaressing history of mine, if I have a choice, I would not have any friend know about this blog.

This is the main reason why I do not meet any more bloggers. And also the reason why i choose to keep most of whatever little blogging friends I have, at a comfortable distance.

True be told, I have nothing to hide in this blog. Just a little privacy is all I need. Just like ladies, wearing their bikini on the beach doesn't neccessary mean that they would not mind having their bikini pictures all over the internet.

Angel will know about this blog in due time. Its just simply not due yet.

Fallen...

Pardon my absense for the longest time. I had almost forgot the existence of my blog. However, as I check on my last posting moments ago, I realise that it had only been barely 2 weeks since my last posting, hardly an eternity. So much things must have happened since.

Deceased of my grandmother. Severe change of lifestyle(Read- Less club and alcohol) . And a new love interest. Not wanting to bored anyone, I'll only touch on my romance.

As per all of my previous romance, they all start fast and end even faster, and the end result is always a casualty on either/both side. In fact, at one point in time, I had almost given up on lookout for anything special, I dated for the sake of dating.

Each gal, if presentable, will start with 80 points. The rest, is entirely based on demerit points. She hits 50, shes out. You'll probably think,"Stud, how do you know if you never hit 50 yourself?" Thats because I'm smart enough not to get into any battle I can't win, smarty.

Then, along hops in an Angel. Someone whom I should have known aeons ago, but was always eluded. Better late than never. And she is the sweetest girl I have ever known. I believe I appreciate her now more than I would, than if i had met her earlier.

I had met a pretty face too many, but to honestly say that I can fall in love with any of my ex's personalities, probably, none of them will fit the bill as much as Angel. And for the first time in my life, there is actually someone who wants to know me for who I am and always hungry for more. If there was ever going to be a 95 pointer, she is the one.

Although I refuse to say the 3 words, but I know I'm falling in hard. Actually, I'm already beginning to worry when I'll lose her, just like how I lost the rest. Guess I'll just lap up the bliss while it lasts, nothing is forever anyway, except for diamond, which is utterly useless(except for proposals) by the way.

God save me. Maybe, he just did.

Lost Kitty...

Cats like an adventure once in awhile, at the expense of the ones they own. Just last Saturday, my brother's gf's beloved Shih Tzu came over for a sleep over. Much as the dog, hereby known as ST(to protect his identity) is fascinated with the pussy, hereby know as FF, the admiration doesn't travel both ways. Plus, we were quite sure that FF is jealous of ST. I had to give her a lashing down when she tried to claw ST in his approach. Wasn't sure if she had taken it to heart, but she probably did.

Woke up on Sunday morning to find something amiss when I open my door to see ST on fours, staring right back at me. It was always FF's job to guard my door, she couldn't have allowed ST the honour. One loop round the house and it was official. The bedroom door was slightly ajar, as was the window to the balcony.

A search warrant was issued as we comb the first lap around the house. No luck. Being optimistic, we assumed that she would appear soon after, as per the last time she did a Houdini. It did not work out to be sooner than expected. We had the entire family, in a dull mood, upon the news of his latest venture. In particular, my dad, who despite his harsh words on the troubles of having a cat, appeared to be the most worried.

After some interviews with my neighbours, it seems that the pussy has been sighted in the area. Either enjoying life in the sun, or still lost.

What happened was another night passing without her appearance and the next day, it was decided that something had to be done. Dog whistle was bought(was that desperate), a LED-touch light was invested into.

An intensive search was carried out in the evening and it was finally decided that a search would be performed as follow:

1) Search during wee hours like 2a.m. to 3a.m. as lost domestic(in-house) cats are usually panicky and would stay extremely still in daytime, when they are lotsa sound going around them. They could identify these sound as "danger" signals and would over-ride any "familiar sound" calling out for them. Its a defensive mechanism for cats to concentrate on dangers over any other things at hand.
2) Lost cats are rarely more than 3 house radius from their house.
3) Cats are norturnal. Higher chance of them to moving around at night in search of food.

It did not help that showers had to pour at 2a.m., just before I set off. It had me worried and relieved for the same reason.

1) If she was hiding in the sewage, the rising water level would force her out.
2) Being afraid of water(as per most cats), she'll probably stay hidden in some sheltered corners, rendering my search futile.

Regardless, the search had to go on. It was that night or never, least she venture further from home. I undertook the search, in a slow pace, courtesy of tips from the neighbourfood cat feeder, a nice lady who had 2 dogs and a legion of cat fans in the area. Rather go slow, then give her time to come out, than to go fast and have her coming out to miss you.

Barely ten minutes later, my search was rewarded by a familiar bell ring behind the plants. Moving to the side, and there was my baby, all frightened and still. Took awhile to coo her to get out of the bush, but she did. We were amazed as to how we had missed her throughout our search when she was in fact, so near. But then again, she probably wasn't at that exact spot while we were searching earlier.

Which brings me to the last point.

1) ALWAYS tag your pet with a name, your contact number and BELLS.

Thank God for Bells.

Stolen...

Invitation only
Grant Farewells
Crash the best one
Of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed
Too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

Happy Endings...

Occasionally I come across a post like this and I am reminded that I am not the only bliss-hungry soul around. We all have an ideal happy ending. Don't give me all the crab of landing your ideal job and netting $770k a year. Now, you would be happy but I wouldn't envision that as an appropriate "ending". The reason why that is an "ideal" job is likely to be the affililated paycheck, which is utterly worthless, unless you know how to spend it.

Now, thats where the fun begins, isn't it?

I would say that my happy ending is a variant of The Acccidental Blowjob's. She specified a nice little house in Bishan/Thomson area, a man whom she can tolerate living with, 2 dogs & 1 cat, hot sex every night. Except, I would prefer a secluded santuary off the usual packed high-rised neighbourhood/urban area, preferably in the low dense sub-urbs. Now, hot compassionate sex every night, few times each round, is definitely a plus. Well, perhaps, 4 times a week, as a realistic demand, for my partner to catch a breather.

Again, whats your happy ending?

While i'm at it, I might as well blog about another thing on my mind.

There is a reason why I find cats fascinating. Being a possessive lover by nature, I have always felt the need to keep the tightest of lease on my partners, physical and emotionally. Time over time, it has proven to be suicidal. Somehow after awhile, I learnt to let it go. Afterall, what is yours, is yours. And love, aien't possession.

Come side-effect, some time later, I think I actually associated love with No possession. And it was realised that a balance was needed. Thats when I came across the nature of cats. You never really own a cat, they are free-willed and you can't force them to do your exact biddings, unlike the ever-loyal dogs. A colleague once mentioned to me,"The thing about dogs is that they know who their owner is, and a cat, knows where their home is."

You can never totally own them, but you just got to learn to trust , let go and still love.

You have been gone for a day now. I miss you. Trust that fate is in order for your return.

Life In the New Year...

Its been awhile since I blogged about anything. Was intending to create a last post for 2006, but I was too busy lazing around while on leave. It was a good buildup to the next work year with 13 days away from office. This is the first time I went on such long leave and oh, did it feel so good. What more with the festive season in the air.

Seen quite a few shows lately as follow:

Death note 1 & 2
James Bond: Casino Royale
Saw III
Deja Vu
Eragon
The Holiday
Curse of the Golden Flower

And I notice. With the exception of "The Holiday", every single show out there involves killing. The highest stake in every movie, is life. Probably a depiction of what is really going on with us huh? You lose your life, you lose everything. This is the exact reason why using life as a stake in movie plots, is an almost sure way to keep the audience captivated.

Isn't it ironic that for movie goers like us, despite our craving to see survival being fought over, life outside the movie theatre proceeds mundanely without any life-threatening adventures to go by?

Or course, we wouldn't want to be caught in gun fights for anything in the world. Its just food for thoughts, that deep inside, we value life and while we are not maiming each other on the streets, it would still be worth a minute of your time to reflect on your life so far and how it should be moving for the year of 2007.

I hereby wish you a Merry X'mas and Happy New Year.

When Forgetting Is Not Enough...

Its been awhile since I 'really' blogged.

Some people were commenting on it, saying "You hardly blog nowadays." Rather than having nothing to blog about, the truth is, ironically, I have too much to. Work has been piling up, coming to the end of the year... which is good, cause it keeps my mind off the burgeoning issues that I have up there. But whenever I am on the roads, which is quite often in my line of work, I'll start 'blogging' in my head. So much that, at night, when I nestle down in front of my PC, I do not feel like repeating myself once more, when I really should be resting for the next working day.

Anyway, what has seemed more prominent to me for the past 1 month, has to be this thingy named "Selective memory". Heard over the airwaves that the mind has a way of selecting what it wants to remember and that, it is easier to forget about unhappy memories as compared to happy ones. Its not what you can choose, but what will happen up there subconsciously.

I remember hearing about this fact at the same time, when not too long ago, an Ex texted me. This one happens to be in the 'Selective List' of 'To forget', which I of course, being the sentiment dude, refuse to 'Empty from Recycle Bin'.

I was actually out on a bling when the first text came, by then, I wasn't exactly sober. Emotions gate opened a little as a little of the past was unearthed and tossed around. All in all, nothing outstanding in particular, you know about these Ex stuffs.

When I woke up in the morning, I read through the SMS conversation and admittedly, I cringed at how emo-wimpy I was. In the midst, I also reminded myself not to reply to such message while drunk in future.

Then came 1 part which hit me hard.

It was something that goes "don't deny that I was embaressed about our relationship...."

I froze.

There was pain. Sorrow and disappointment.

Which didn't last long. I felt insulted.

What embarressment?

If you ask around, I'm quite top on Bachelor Lists around the place, ok?

I'm not 1 who is keen for burning bridges. But in my current sober state, I can see everything clearly as compared to when I was 'drunk'. When I start to piece all the "Forgetten Facts" together, I had to conclude that the things that this Ex had said and done, had stained my opinion of her, not just as a friend, but as a person.

I only hope that this Ex will never ever text or call me, ever again.

Periodic Felines EPL Challenge, Round 4, 3rd Leg...

Starting Scoreline: FF 5.5, TP 3.5

1) Everton 0:1/2 West Ham Win
2) Manchester City 0:1 Watford Win

3) Charlton 0:0 Blackburn Win
4) Tottenham 0:1 Middlesbrough Draw

Tentative Scoreline: FF 5.5, TP 6.5

5) West Ham 0:1/2 Wigan
6) Newcastle 0:1/4 Reading

Periodic Felines EPL Challenge, Round 4, 2nd Leg...

Starting Scoreline: FF 2.0, TP 1.5

1) Arsenal 0:3/4 Tottenham Lose
2) Portsmouth 0:1/4 Aston Villa Lose 1/2
3) Wigan 1/41/2:0 Liverpool Win
4) Blackburn 0:1/2 Fulham Lose
5) Reading 0:0 Bolton Lose
6) Sheffield United 0:1/4 Charlton Win
7) Middlesbrough 1:0 Manchester United Draw

(Handicap adjusted)

Finishing Scoreline: FF 5.5, TP 3.5

Periodic Felines EPL Challenge, Round 3, 6th Leg...

Starting Scoreline: FF 4.0, TP 9

1) Fulham 1:0 Arsenal Win
2) Aston Villa 0:1/2 Manchester City Win
3) Bolton 3/4:0 Chelsea Win half
4) Liverpool 0:1.25 Portsmouth WinLose
5) Manchester United 0:1.5 Everton Lose

Finishing Scoreline: FF 4.0, FP 10
Currently on TP's iPod Playlist: "Daddy Cool" by Boney M

*Smug*

Scoreline to bring over for Round 4: FF 2.0, TP 1.5