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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Drive To The Wild West...

If anyone is to ask me what I like best about my job, I would give the following canned-answers "Getting to meet people" , "The satisfaction of closing a deal." and "Self-management of time and flexibility of job scope".

The real answer.

"The times when I get to be driving around and listening to music."

I feel that driving is very therapeutic although I am unable to pin-point exactly why is that so. Is it the part whereby I can perform a 30-seconds getaway in another mental realm of mine while I'm deep in the music? Or the part when I can just blank out all my troubles as I am continuously performing visual check-ups on my surrounding while plotting the next navigational course of movement? I enjoy every second on the road.

This morning, after visiting a client in Tuas, I decided to take a slightly longer route back to my office. I chanced upon this long, winding road by the sea and it wasn't long before I was facing the Tuas Check-point to West Malaysia. Hundred metres from the checkpoint, I'm suppose to perform U-turn back to the City. Momentarily, I thought,"What if?"

Fifteen minutes later, in Malaysia land. It was the never-ending rural landscape, the country-road, my steed and me. The romance. So close. There couldn't be anyone else in our way. Not even my phone, which wasn't on auto-roaming.

An hour later, I made out a distinguishing shape of coconut-drink stall by the roadside. Like a lover on heat, yearning for short, revitalising break, I stalled. Sashaying towards the hawker, he smiled knowingly at me. I reciprocated with a weary grin. Three steps towards him, my grin fell flat and I paused in my steps. Instantly, I made a turn back to my steed, leaving the hawker with a puzzled expression and gapping mouth.

Nabeh! I had no ringgit with me!

Saturday, August 27, 2005


After a fulfilling work week, it feels kinda empty when you are lying on your couch and it dawned on you that you still have the weekend to complete the cycle. And you know that you are truly alone on a Friday night when there are so many activities out there yet there is almost nowhere you really want to go and no-one whom you feel like talking to, at that moment in time.

The problem is, there will always be one person whom you really want to speak to. All you need to do is to dial the number. So simple, yet things get so complicated when emotions get into the picture. Things might have seem much easier if there is no such person in your life in the first place.

Also thinking of the way acquaintances move along. Was reminiscing on some time back when I met a nice group(not everyone is exactly "nice", but it was a nice group, alright?) and we had some good times.

Ironically, I did not get close to a few of them until the group kinda stopped meeting up on a frequent basis. People whom I never thought I might be close to. Short calls to check on and catch up on each other. Small but significant actions that indicated our acquaintance had meant something and it was heart-warming that I am deemed worthy of their friendship. Yes, they are friends now.

While I have made ties, it is also sour to witness how others have withered.

Once confidants, now acquaintances. Formerly lovers, now seemingly strangers.

People move on. Each with different lifestyle and paths to pursue.

Maybe eternity is way too much to ask for. Once that page is closed, we should just be contented with whatever we have had. Eternity... that will always be in our memories, wouldn't it be? Meanwhile, I'll just pursue for more.

There will always be someone whom I will want to talk to.

This is for me and I mean every word.

"Alone" by Heart
I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get through alone
How do I get through alone
You don't know how long I have waited
to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get through alone
How do I get through alone
How do I get through alone
How do I get through alone
Alone, alone

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Based on my writings, do I love good?...

Some time back, I had this very simulatinginteresting conversation with a lady.

We chanced upon this topic on the tell-tale signs of a good lover and I volunteered my hypothesis that it is possible to pass judgement base on the writing style of that person.

Why is that so? Simple. Think this way. The moves and style of the guy, which affects how great a lover he'll be, will be directly influenced by his thoughts and some of those thoughts will be inevitably be manifested in his writings. Seduction starts from the mind.

Again, some time ago, another lady asked me,"Are you a good lover?"

I almost choked on my drink before answering,"I like to think that I am one. But then again, all men like to think that they are fantastic lovers"

Of course, its not fair for one to judge oneself. If I am allowed to pass judgement, I'll proclaim myself to be the greatest lover in the world, of all times. I believe that the best person to judge, will be you. So based on my writings, do yer think I'll make a good lover?

Erm... assuming you do not find my writing style a turn-on, you might want to take into opinions of people who have met me in real life and they often comment that I feel nothing like my blog persona.


Thats make it real difficult to dispute that I'll make a good lover. Isn't it? ;p

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Somethings, You Just Can't Blame Him...

A friend went to a party and was introduced to this lady. They hit it off and that very session, the lady pulled him aside and initiated some rendevous out of the club. They had sex. And the night ended, with this friend, sending the lady to the place of... her boyfriend. The boyfriend even messaged my friend to thank him for sending his girlfriend, safely home.

My friend felt, whats done has been done. Since the lady has a boyfriend, best thing to do is to stay away, avoiding complications. But the lady made the first move to carry on playing this affair and we all know which is the most influential and instigative organ on the male anatomy. Friend A, couldn't resist.

Next thing he knew, the boyfriend suspected something and SMSed my friend with the following context...

"Please stop harassing my girlfriend."

Apparently, the lady has been making it seem as if my friend was the one making all the moves and that she was "harassed" by it all.

A wise thing to do, would be for my friend to back out of the picture totally. Afterall, he had nothing to lose in the first place.

But after some thoughts, he did the unthinkable. He called the boyfriend and told him everything that had happened. It was devastating for the boyfriend. He confronted his girlfriend, who had so broken his heart and betrayed his trust, and thus ended the relationship.

This guy was shattered and ironically, was thankful to my friend for "exposing" his gal(All puns are always intended). He went through a very bad spell. Never really quite recovered from the hurt of it all, I guess.

Last thing I heard, this guy is a new playboy on the loose, getting into skirts of all colours and sizes. And he is a real bastard when it comes to his method of attaining his objectives.

I wish I can condemn him for it. What happened to him was not of reason for him to carry his acts. There are many ways of handling hurts. Inflicting pain on others in return for the pain inflicted to you, doesn't release you of the pain, on the contrary, it heightens your pain by your constant monitoring of it. It was then I realised, from my reasoning, that he is a newly-converted sado-masochist. Welcome to the S&M family.

Again, like I said earlier, I wish I can condemn him for his actions. But sometimes, you can't really blame him for turning into that bastard.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Because I met up with a client who bought me a satisfying lunch at a very neat cafe...

Because I am so delighted that he wants me to buy him drinksinvited me to a bling session at Paulaners...

Because I was eating snakehaving such a nostalgic moment strolling through the now-revamped Marina Square, thinking about its previous fascia...

Because I was thinking that I might hit a cheap buy in Ear2:the used CD depot, used CD leh, sure cheap right?stumbled upon this neat CD store...

Because I was so seduced by Diana Krall's so-deep, soul-vibrating vocals...

I ended up purchasing this cool compilation...

Jazz Bistro
Diana Krall ~ They Can't Take That Away From Me
Robbie Williams ~ Mr. Bojangles
Norah Jones ~ Don't Know Why
Laura Fygi ~ Dream a Little Dream
George Michael ~ Miss Sarajevo
Nina Simone ~ My Baby Just Cares For Me
Dinah Washington ~ Call Me Irresponsible
Nat King Cole ~ Unforgettable
Stan Getz & Charlie Byrd ~ Desafinado
Holly Cole Trio ~ I Can See Clearly Now
Incognito ~ Don't You Worry About A Thing
Diana Reeves ~ Embracable You
Eliane Elias ~ Garote de Ipanema
US3 ~ Cantaloop
Billie Holiday ~ Let's Call The Whole Thing Off
Chet Baker ~ My Funny Valentine
Louis Armstrong ~ What A Wonderful World

Jazz is sensual, Jazz is romance, Jazz is happiness...

No, wait...

Retro/90's is happiness.

(Chorus to be sung in tune with Belinda Carlisle's Heaven is a place on Earth)
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?
Ooh Mambo is a place on earth
They say in Mambo love comes first
We'll make Mambo a place on earth
Ooh Mambo is a place on earth

Thursday, August 11, 2005

At the End, What Matters Most To Each Life?...

Edwin always love to tell me this quote

"When you die. On your tombstone. There will be two number. One, the year you were born and the other, year you died. Between this two numbers, will be a dash. That blaardy dash represents your life. So you jolly make full use of it."

We spend our life trying to find meanings. Our life crosses each others paths. What I find fascinating, is how specific peoples' life drift into each others, make a difference, which in turn, indirectly affects other lifes... then they multiply like a fission reaction. End of the day, end of life, I wonder, what will matter more to me? How I view my own life or how my loved ones view my life?

Today, by my grandpa's death bed. I can't help but remember the difference he made to mine, though we are no longer as closed as we were.

He was the one who sat me down as a child, trying to convince me to be a Doctor when I grow up. I remember the days he tried to dissuade me from pursuing a career as lawyer(lawyers are evil and unethical, so he claimed, and I was too nice and shy a person for that). I end up as neither. But years of trying to upkeep this expectation of his, caused me much inner shame that I could not be what he wanted me to be. We drifted apart because of that.

And today, I realised that I had not shamed him at all. I knew he was happy that I have grown up, I was walking my path upright and that we all loved him.

Grandpa, wherever you are right now, it will be a better place. No more pain, no more suffering.

Rest in peace,
Your unfilial Grandson.

Estella... Where are you?

I went up to the door. Hesitated and stared momentarily at the flowers by the side for awhile. I did not know what I was doing. Fist clenched, I knocked at the door.

No response at first.

Then I tried again. Then a third attempt. And the door slided open, slightly.

An eye peeped from behind before she was willing to show her face.

It was a sweet gal.

"Is Estella in?", I asked.

"Nope.", she replied with a smile that never once faded, as if she was expecting me to ask a second time.

"Will she be back?"

"Dunch know", the same smile that doesn't betray anything in the back of her mind.


I turned away and strolled off.

Its been four years now. Initially, I turned up thrice a week, then as time runs by, twice, before the frequency goes down to once a month. I do not know why I'm still turning up. Its probably for an answer to a question that will exist for eternity.

So many things have happened since. I'm a different person now. I have seen boys grow up with me. I have seen lives changed. I have fallen in love and out. But I have never once forgotten her.

Did I fall for a person that did not exist? If she did, where can I find her again?

Estella... Where are you?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Fireworks In Our Hearts...

Its National Day once more, and that means a Public Holiday. Been feeling light and blissful for the past few days. So I went for a run earlier on just to remind myself that I'm alive again. Yes, the pain that reminds me that I'm breathing.

My latest obsession has been fireworks hunting. Caught one last Saturday. And one more last night. I have always pictured Singapore as having a very fast-paced and stressful society. We are always trying to beat deadlines and and outpace competitions, and most of us are just so lost inside this metropolitan maze.

I like to think thats there warmth and love within most of us, and I'm quite sure there is. But unfortunately, that side doesn't open up easily. Its constantly hiding behind the external fascia of our face, our stern-looking face.

Last night, we were in the car, driving around Marina Square, trying to get to Esplanade and hit the bridge beside it, just for the view at the stroke of midnight. We were not alone in those thoughts, there was a jam and 3 corners before our final destination, we heard the first bangs. Two minute later, we were beside Marina Bay, abandoning our vehicle on the second lane, as per many others. The rush to the origin of the boom's and bang's. The anticipation on everyone's face. The cries of awe from the children and adults alike. When we caught sight of the view, there wasn't much on our minds. Just simple admiration of the scene in all of its beauty. Is this feeling classified under bliss, happiness or content? I do not know, I only know that it felt good. And I'm certain that I'm not alone.

People were happy and Singapore did not feel so barren all of a sudden. But why is it that we only get to witness such heartwarming displays once a year. If I were to make a Birthday Wish for Singapore, I would hope for more fireworks display throughout the rest of the year. Monthly? Fortnightly? Weekly?

And I'm wondering, if I'm to start a petition for this, would it be heard and be taken seriously?

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Yuan Fen(Fate)?...

Last Friday, I was with the barflies at Wala Wala. Apparently, it was quite a sizable gathering, garnering three tables being occupied, bordering on insufficient space. Halfway through the night, I noticed a sweet young thing sitting at the other end of the tables. Apparently, I was so into the music and the drinking that I did not go out of the way to find out which blogger she possibly was. When the party cleared, she was no longer around.

Anyway, on Saturday, after a light bling, I adjourned to this Club. Happen to be by the bar when I got chatting with a lady by my side. Awhile later, she exclaimed,"My friend is back, I introduce.." I turned around and saw a blogger's face, a blogger who happened to be at Wala the night before. Then I turned to face the lady who I was chatting with, and all of a sudden, I remember that face. The sweet young thing at Wala the night before.

Such coincidence.

Later on in the night, I was telling her that I still could not believe that I would meet her again this way. I mean... what were the chances?

Then I told her,"It must be Yuan Fen(fate)..."

Whether she was stoned or disinterested or just tired, I don't know. She gave me a reply in the form of a nonchalent look.

Wah liew! If fate decrees so, I still no good enough for her meh?!