Me! Me! Me!

I envy people with close family ties because that is something my family lacks. Over the days, as my grandparents started to "leave", the bond between my uncles and aunties begun to disintegrate. Not surprising as over the years, ties strained by "political" and financial conflicts gave way. This Lunar New Year, I have only received ang baos from my parents so far, so picture that. This Lunar New Year is more of a holiday break than the festive it used to represent. Sad, but I guess we can't have it all.

Been hearing a lot of "Gong Xi Fatt Cai" lately, and I guess I really need it for the coming year. So many things to finance and buy, so little money. I have a pretty good life. I never have to worry about basic necessities in my entire life, hence my desires are always luxury items.

For now, tops on my list are the iPod Nano and a new Desk top. Both of which, honestly speaking, I do not really need.

Why do I need the iPod Nano? Mr.Heng nailed it on my head when he quirped,"I can't understand why someone who drives, will need a iPod Nano." That makes perfect sense. My only excuse is that a Nano round my wrist, should be motivating enough to get me off my fat ass and revert to my jogging regime. Not a strong case, I know.

Why do I need the Desk Top? My former Desk Top, a Celeron 466, finally worked her dues. Actually, I believe its only the hard disk that crashed, I'll definitely try reformatting it and use her as a "Common WorkStation" for the family, but I figured that its also high time I get another faster system. While I'm currently using my company's laptop for personal usage, I'm not exactly comfortable enough to use it for World of Warcraft. So yeah, one more Desk Top its gonna be.

Been going through the Hardwarezone site, trying to research for my "High End" system and I realise that its forum is a true-geek's paradise. Literally Hardware Zone, all kinds of Hardware, even Cars, are included. Guess I have a new haven to frolick around.

You notice that its more of a "diary" entry I'm writing, pretty much unlike my normal "emo-" style and pretty much like those bimbo ranting blogs where its all about "Me! Me! Me!".

Thats how bored I am right now. But hey, its fun. Me! Me! Me!

Wanna-be Part-Time Killer...

Last weekend, I caught the Fulltime Killer on the telly. Despite having seen it on the big screen years back, I sat out the show once more. Of course, there was quality casting with Andy Lau, Takeshi Sorimachi and that seriously-extremely-hot Kelly Lin but the plot wasn't much of a classic. What intrigued me most, was the killers' life.

Of course I'll be damned to think that there are real-life individuals who can carry out assasinations as smoothly as those hitmen in the show, and get away with it at the end of the day(everyday). Still... I'm intrigued.

Its like vampires. We know they don't exist, but we are still captivated by this legend and I believe, deep-down inside, we hope they do.

Why do we hope that they exist? BECAUSE... deep-down... we actually want to be them. Professional killers, vampires. By being them, we can live outside the boundaries of our current lifes, out of any legal or spiritual jurisdiction.

Think of those people, who have crossed your paths, that you want to lay to rest. The people whom your self-righteous ego would love to dispatch as one of those lowly scrums akin to cockroaches. You might not know them and n'mind if they have loved-ones of their own. Its your world to control and your cattles to slaughter. Every single maggot, you take them out, one by one, as if they are simply axed from the remaining script. No conscious to answer to and no super-cop to cut you down.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some cockroaches to take care of at this very instance...

Indispensability...

One of the things that I pick up in the corporate world, is that, no one person is indispensable. Which means to say, with or without the Ace, the team will still play on. After 3 years, I realise that this applies not just to work, but in sports... and relationships.

Some time back, I met up with a very special someone. Someone whom I was so much into, that I couldn't differentiate whether it was genuine liking or infatuation. So the story goes, no happily ever after.

By the time I met her again, I realise that I could do without her, as per the times I have done so.

And now I feel guilty. All my proclaims of eternal love, as it turns out to be, may not be quite as lengthy as I had meant. I still like her, but I know its not at the former peak of intensity, may not even ever will be.

Maybe time does heal all wounds. Maybe no one person is indispensable. Maybe infatuation is permanently disguised as eternal love.

How are we going to find out?

Toy Soldiers...

"Step by step
Heart to heart
Left right left
We all fall down
Like toy soldiers" ~ Martika, Toy Soldiers

Life's a routine for most of us. I figured out why the hottest past-time in Singapore is movie-catching. Because within the 2 hours of screen time, you'll experience more adrenaline rush in that adventure, than whatever you'll probably going to get in the rest of your entire mundane life.

Out on a typical shopping trip, would you risk veering off-course while trying to tail a terrorist plotting a bomb blast, never to return home for the next month or so?(I'll just tip the police) Or would you venture back to the haunted house by yourself, in search of your best friend who had mysteriously disappeared there?(Again, I'll probably just leave it to the police)

I realise we are only looking for an escape, even if you are fully aware that its a temporary relieve. Perhaps, this relieve will contain your bored instincts for the next one week before you require another fix.

We change jobs, pick up new hobbies, change love interests, migrate to a foreign land. It'll still come back to square one, just a different routine. We still need to feed ourselves, pay our bills and commitment to family. Would we be happier being roaming, barbaric mercenaries?

Corporate civilisation's a by-product that we, the virus, are bringing to Earth to drain Mother Gael of her energy. Better economy, human growth, more energy requirement, more energy tapping.... until one day, we exhaust Mother Gael.

We are just marching on, like toy soldiers.

Dan Brown's Linearity...

In trying to turn over a new leaf from my hedonistic days of pleasure, I have, in this case, tried to do so by turning pages. I have made the bookstore a primary stop in the lack of concrete plans.

I know I'm damn slow. I have only consumed Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" within the last 2 months, when almost every self-respecting novel-geeks had done so eons ago and even the movie is about to be released. I had no doubt that it was going to be quite a read and am not disappointed. Personally, I find the plot pretty linear, none of the twists really shocked me, but you just have to keep on engulfing the pages to find out how exactly the twist will turn out to be. Its fiction, but references to historical facts and real artefacts, made me wish it wasn't. After all, it is pretty much in line with what I really feel about religion.

I believe that religion is man-made. I believe there is a God. Religion is simply Man's belief on how he can reach out to his God, the only being who holds the eternally elusive answer to Man's question on life. Life, the very cause of his creation. And due to this, like Robert Langdon in the story, I am unable to bring myself to commit to particular religion. Our longing for the actual spiritual truth prevents us from adhering to a set of rules when we spot a shade underneath the sun.

On recommendation of Shanghai Baby, I have also consumed "Angels and Demons". Its also entertaining, although I have slight doubts with regard to Dan Brown's creativity when I notice the uncanny similarity in the outline of both works.



SPOILERS ON "THE DA VINCI CODE" AND "ANGELS AND DEMONS" UP AHEAD...



1) Both plots are triggered by death of a "Grandmaster" at the very start of the story.
2) The lead will be bestowed a beautiful lady companion, who will be the daughter/granddaughter of the "Grandmaster" who just died, and he will be partially obstructed by a well-meaning "Military Man of Power". He will be assisted by a seemingly good-natured "Ally", who eventually turns out to be the "Evil Mastermind". His main nemesis is an ancient "Secret Society" with great connections and influences. "Evil Mastermind" will manipulate a "Pawn" in mould of the politically-incorrect stereotype of villians/outcast(in the form of an Albino and a Arab Black here). The "Pawn" will eventually die a tragic death.
3) Robert Langdon's charm is irresistable and he gets the gal at the end of the story.

I felt like I had read the same story twice over, although the elements differ. Nevertheless, was a worthy read.

Life Is time... Rain is just an add-on...

We were given time which heals all wounds and yet it is this very gift that claims our youth, every single second.

Yes, time passes really fast. But to me, the past half year ended so prematurely, and I can't exact pin-point why so. Other than a more serious approach to work and a lighter stance on relationship dilemmas, I recall no major events. I realise a few good years of my life have been wasted obsessing on chiongs(clubbing) that I overlooked the elements that really matter most in having fun. Company, mood and music. Nowadays, without presence of at least 2 out of the 3 listed, I see no point in a night out. Hmmm... may make exemptions for "special" circumstances though. Like, you know... sometimes friends want you to aid someone else in improving their social circle, and its very "rude" to turn them down. =p

The past few days have been no different. Time is speeding as usual, except rain has been pouring like nobody else's business, like the Pacific Ocean is on top of us rather than under. But rain, I do like, especially when you are not in it.

Viewing the rain from the interior of a car and hearing sprays of "tappity taps" against the window and roof, can be really therapeutic. Of course, warm touch of Class95 playlists helps much. Me thinks its also very romantic. Company, mood and music. Presence of more than 2 of the 3 listed, makes for many points to be "trapped" within the car. Simple things like this, I enjoy too.

How True Am I To My Blog?...

As I gazed at my screen, asking myself what I really wanted to blog about, I realise I can't do it.

Voice I have, I can't project. 2 pointers, I have just noted.

1) First of all, never get involved with blogger(s). Unless you want to exclude any emotional aspects from your postings.

2) Best not to let your friends know about your blog, unless you are prepared to do tons of explaination over mis-understood postings.

But this cannot go on. I have to get myself together and start giving two damns about what they would be reading. Its my blog or them. My blog's not ready to go just as yet.

I'll start with one.

First of all, I do not trust any blogger who hangs out at any cyber bar or whatsoever. Fuck off! Get your dosage of gossips within the circle itself and stop bothering me.

First Posting in 2006...

It came as a shock to me, when I saw this article, which informs that the Korean melodrama, Il Mare is having a Hollywood version, starring Keanu Reeve and Sandra Bullock. Il Mare is one of those movies which left me with permanent impressions and as such, I felt kinda threatened when those impressions of the movie may be dented by the new version. I do not understand intentions for re-make other than for commercial inventives. Re-makes after two decades, when technology is able to resurrect the original movie in another mode altogether is a cause worthy, I feel. But a re-make after just 5 years!? And in the case of The Ring, that was way less than 5. While Hollywood has proven with track records that they are not excellent in re-capturing horrors, I can only pray that they fare much better in romance and cinematics since there is no way I can possibly stop the Il Mare re-make. Plus, I know that there will no way I can resist catching the re-make either.

Oh, here is another song which tells a story by James Blunt. I like the pain in his singing. Its a beautiful song. You're beautiful... you're beautiful...it's true...

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.